Creep

I've chosen, and I have no regrets... moving forward in life... and yea... I'm excited for all that's up ahead... =) Hope I can make things work out for the best.

Phrasebook, here I come.

What Now?

And just as a sidenote... I still have all the blogs I wrote before... regarding my relationship with Tena... I really loved her... I did. I think though, it probably is time for me to move on.

Creep by Radiohead, nice song, although I must say I'm slightly freaked out by the vocals... would like to sing that. Yes I'll stop blaming myself, and yes... I want to give us a go... I thought it would probably never happen, but... things do happen for a reason... I don't know... this will be something new to me.

Find Your Love - Drake
DJ Got Us Falling In Love Again - Usher

Ye mon. Sigh.

I feel more free now... Goodnight.

Ticking Bomb

Tick tock,
My hand is locked,
Stuck to the hour hand,
Stuck in Nowhere land,
Where the sun falls off the sky,
And where birds disappear after five.

*WORK IN PROGRESS*

... I have speech. I am with speech

^A modified quote from Seinfeld :)

I haven't updated this blog in a long time...
Long time has it when I had no feelings...
But the past month has just been horrifyingly... deathly... scary.
It's been a rollercoaster....
To who I'm writing this for:
I have so much to say to you.
Even though for the next three days, I will try hard to forget you, to erase you from my mind, I hope I am not successful. Why? Because I think we truly have something special between us, and it's not just a matter of liking you or not.
Do I even like you now?
Still?
Because, you know, I want to decide. Because I just want to get on with my life... but a part of me wants to wait...
Because I think you're worth waiting for, and that I want to help you. I don't think you're eternally cursed, because I'd do anything to get this curse off your back. I swear on my life that you lose it if you let me help you, but it's up to you.
Insecurity is what makes magic shine, but it's what makes us scared. In a trick, when a card disappears, or when a card appears, or when a coin appears behind your ear, it's the good surprise your waiting for, but in real life, insecurity may mean death around the corner.
All I want to say to you is that, even if we may have these insecurities, we can get over them. I know this may not be just a matter of insecurity or not, but trust me, I can bet on my life that there is a little insecurity problem in there.
You say I don't understand you, that I only know a face of you, but to be honest, I can basically read minds. You may not believe me, go ahead, but I'm telling you, I can sense if somethings are wrong.
I can lie to you right now and say I love you, but I don't... it's not love, it's a piece of my heart that I'm willing to share with you, and if I'm lucky enough, you would share a piece of yours.
I'm not implying anything, as implication complicates, but all I want to say, is that you matter a lot. When you tell me you'll need time alone, I'm there by your side in spirit. If you need a helping hand, I'll be there no matter what. If you want to get mad at me, I'll be your punching bag, and I'll even wipe your tears and sweat *perspiration works too* off. *Weird, yeah, but yeah.*

I want you to know, that no matter what, I'll be there for you, and I truly do care. Don't self-destruct, but if you do, I'll blow to pieces with you. Nothing matters really to me now, except you. If in these three days I still can't forget you... We'll see how it goes.

***

That felt a lot better... saying all that i wanted to say.
No goodnights? Byes work too, but there isn't a sense of warmth.

"It's like catching lightening, the chances of finding, someone, like, you....
It's one in a million, the chances of feeling, the way... we... do..."

And I feel that we do have that connection... Don't deny it. It doesn't matter, if we end up together or not, it's just that we are there for each other.

Something I wrote long time ago.

"Baby, why I am alone?
The world around me's spinning,
The lights are going crazy,
My life is out of order.
Except you're the epitome of my heart.
Unless I can find you, I'll be dead,
Before the sun rises again.
Is it so hard for me to say?
Why can't I do it?
Maybe, just maybe, because I know I love you,
But Why! Why! Do I feel like,
That you won't be there, when I need you.
I just hope you'll be there, pray to God,
The sun won't burst my empty shell,
Because I need you there for me,
For you to be my love."

- 11:04PM 22/11/08

Can't Say This Enough, You CAN'T Get Hopes Up High...

I don't know how many times in this lifetime have I told myself, "Fairy tales don't exist, only in your imagination." Singing a song helps, but the dreadful sense of misery once you devise the "ultimate plan" and it fails... it's crushing.

Austrian Wolf... haha... =)

I really don't know how to explain this feeling... I like chocolate. I miss my strawberries, but... I mean... I can't be selfish enough to stay for both can I? I like chocolate, but only that KIND. They don't know what's eating them... it's metaphorical by the way.

I don't understand how somebody can live a life full of nothing... How can people live in this world without a proper sense of what they are doing here in the first place! It's an inconcievable thought... Kristi gladly knows. Somewhat. In a weird sense.

I get bored easily. But it takes me ages to get bored. How? Well, take for example, a perfectly normal day. I am stuck in class, bored out of my mind. But it takes me an hour to get bored. I twiddle my thumbs, play with cards, make fans, practicing tricks, looking around, sleeping, etc....

I don't know how I get off topic. I have Attention-Deficit-Disorder...

My goldfish are hungry. I miss my dwarf hamsters. My turtles are acrobatic.

I miss being in a relationship. ON the other hand, I feel free... without happiness. I wish things would be the way they were... when I did not know of love.

I really want Paper Airplane by Aaron Fisher.

I miss you.

Harmonicas rock.

Peace.

Prophesies are Failures... Optimism Always Wins

I am happy with the result of what happened... no outing, but a great experience.

Anniversary...

Today is my parent's anniversary. I am happy for them, but I myself am not. Why? Because I am waiting for that destined answer... that answer I have been holding on to too long...

No longer can I stand being alone, it has become too much for me to bear. I can't help... but try. If anybody understands, please try. I don't know... what happened to the me who stood up, and said "I'm going to try to stand without falling." Now, I have fallen. I do not understand why... maybe it is because... I need it.

The whole irony of this... is that I have two choices. One I obey, one I disobey. The choices are at stake...

Iron Man... pray for me. Hope I don't die.